06:53… aw shucks, it’s Monday again. I remember when that sort of line meant something. It’s been a long time since and I will say that I miss it.
Sleep was good, I saw the number that my Fitbit registered and it was better than I had initially thought. I woke up a little after 06:00 and I desperately needed to make a deposit, so I did, hoping that I would fall back asleep. That wasn’t the case, rather I tossed and turned (to the best of my limited ability) thinking about more of my shortcomings in all of my relationships and there was a very common theme to what I thought.
I have never been the best talker in those relationships. I would say that I am not the best talker in any relationship; girlfriends, friends, family, teammates, coworkers or anyone that has a relationship with me. I might say something, if something goes horribly wrong and I can’t deal with the issue without talking to anyone. I am quite content to go along, keep doing what I’m doing and if there is something that needs to change, then I’ll quietly change something on my end, thinking that there is something minor on my end that can be changed and I can go back to my easy-going life.
If someone was to come to me with a problem that involves me, I certainly wouldn’t turn away and not listen. I would certainly listen and try to find a solution to that issue, but for the most part, I’ll keep going, assuming all is okay. I am an easy-going individual, not trying to find issues or problems and I certainly don’t want to make problems for the sake of talking about something. If I do have an issue, I will say something, but I’m not going to make up issues or problems, because that just isn’t the way I work.
07:16… well, there was a good introduction to the day. Let’s get to work.
Lung recruitment: job number one, as it has been for a good number of these posts.
Shorts change: I’m sticking with the volt green.
Bottle empty: this was needed, the bladder didn’t need any more emptying.
Wash Up: the hot water was quick, so the wash was good.
Weigh-in: the weigh-in went well.
Computer logged on: logged on okay.
Deodorant: the spray was good.
Voltaren/Diclo10%: the splash was good too.
Moisturizer: the dollop went well.
Shoulder brace: I mistakenly tried to put the brace on before the last three again, but caught myself in time.
Shirt change: the yellow & green colour block shirt today.
Pills and vitamins (set a timer): I needed that reminder to set the timer.
Head start: (07:23) okay, let’s go.
07:37… well, the first 2k is in the books and if I keep my movements to a lesser extent, more just sort of vibrating on the ball, I do get some steps and the broken heart rate monitor seems to work a bit better, so there is a winning thought, with the broken heart rate monitor. I’ll be really glad when they get that fixed.
07:41… a second cuppa has been poured, let’s get to the routine.
Email:
Main account: a handful of promos and the Spotify receipt were the only items in the main account.
Gmail: a couple of promos here as well.
Upper Deck: an Extended Series free pack today and there wasn’t much to get excited about.
Facebook: no birthdays, Scottie posted a music video link to an indiginous band covering Grace, Too by the Hip and it was freaking great! A great way to start the day.
Twitter: not a whole lot jumping out at me here.
Fitbit:
Steps yesterday: 25.3k, 27th best day of 2021 and 10 days at 20k.
Floors: only 7 floors collected.
Active Minutes: 163 minutes.
Sleep: 412 minutes, average is up to 398.4 minutes.
Weight: 169.8, up a touch.
RHR: the graph looks like it’s going down, but it still has the 64 bpm reading.
Water: my second cuppa has been logged.
Google Calendar: nothing on today, but there are a couple things this week, tomorrow and Wednesday.
Budget: there was nothing to add from yesterday.
Fantasy Hockey:
There wasn’t much going on last night, lots of Covid issues in the NHL, so I changed up my roster last night and it needed a quick check this morning. Everything was good.
Tony's Football Pool: 9-3 this week, tied for 1st for the week. I’m now up to a tie for 18th, a grand improvement. There are four games left this week and there are four teams I’m tied with, one of them has the same picks as me, so I can’t win outright. Stay tuned!
08:14… there was a lot in the routine, but the timing was good.
08:18… lower body today, let’s go!
Head start: (08:33) 4k in the books.
Physio Exercises
Warm Ups
Side Shuffle: 10 laps, head up and focusing on the right foot.
Shoulder checks while standing with a hiking pole and a foot up on the step board: 5 checks in each stance
Single leg stands without a pole (try to do the right side beside the couch): 5 stands on each leg
4 Square Tiles, eyes up: 5 laps
Left hand/head resistance: 10 pushes/pulls
Chin tucks: 5 tucks x the count of 30 (08:44)
Lower Body
Right leg weight step ups on step board: 20 step ups
Step up and down with step board no aids: 20 step overs
Single step, forwards and backwards, right foot on the Bosu Ball with an aid: 30 steps, back and forth combos
Sink squats with elastic: 50 squats
Single leg extended back squats: 30 squats
S Walk with target, focus on a small target: 10 laps
Bottle lid taps with my toes, squeezing the ball: 40 taps (08:56)
08:57… I made it! I got everything done before Bipasha arrived.
08:58… I can’t help but think that my work on being a bad communicator can and will change. I’m sure I’ll start with Bipasha this morning. I’ll get her to read that introduction and see where it goes from there.
09:35… I did get on the ball to get to 6k, I’ll get that in before I get into more detail.
I welcomed Bipasha in and I showed her that explanation and we had an excellent conversation about those thoughts. She acknowledged everything I had written and there may have been an instance last night, where she was keeping to herself and I didn’t ask her why, just assuming the worst, which was one of my Mom’s traits. When she was angry, she’d go quiet and I applied that sort of thinking to Bipasha, which was wrong. I need to ask more things, just to get the conversation started and don’t assume anything.
Showing the write-up to her started a very good conversation and I’m really glad I had done it.
10:36… well, the conversation got remarkably deep over breakfast and I shared a lot. The biggest point was her trying to get me to celebrate my birthday more. It was a long conversation and I finally came to the conclusion that I didn’t celebrate my birthday too much, because being too happy would open myself up to being overly disappointed. There were instances in my life where some people would combine holidays, my birthday and Christmas, and only give me one gift. That was somewhat disappointing, so I trained myself not to get too excited for my birthday and then I wouldn’t get as disappointed when the days get combined with presents.
I worked on never getting too happy to not allow me to get too sad, because a lot of bad things happen when people get too sad or disappointed.
11:33… I did talk to Dad just now and I told him a little bit about the talk with Bipasha, which was good to get out there.
Further to my last point, not getting too happy or too sad was the biggest thing for me, as I progressed through my life. Between Bipasha and myself, our definitions of “special” were very different. She acknowledges all the small things on a birthday as special, while I would say that a big party or a grand gesture is special. I certainly don’t think she is wrong, but I could acknowledge it as a difference of opinion and it’s something that I could change.
She was saying that when I was to get up in the morning and go over to my closet to find something to wear, I would find something that I liked and put it on because it was my birthday. She considered that as special, where I would do that and I wouldn’t consider that as special. I could certainly acknowledge the angle from where she was coming from, but that just wasn’t in my programming. There was the acknowledgement of someone’s birthday, a small function, which included a meal, cake and presents, but that was it. Bipasha has a system for her kids, who are a bit older now, where she would acknowledge the birthday month and then the week of, making a slightly big deal about it. That likely would have changed my thoughts on my birthday, if I grew up with it, but that wasn’t the case and then having my birthday so close to Christmas didn’t help much either.
11:58… another point to the too high or too low sentiment, that was a general idea that I kept my well being towards, which I did explain to Bipasha. Not allowing myself to get too high or too happy wouldn’t open the door for me to go too far down and/or sad. There is a pretty good chance that the theory was the demise of some of my relationships and I can see that now. As much as I may have appreciated a girlfriend, when I had one, I admittedly didn’t do enough to show that idea. That was undoubtedly the wrong way to approach it and I can see that now. Arguably, I was never terribly disappointed when any relationship had ended, looking at it like ‘they could be happier with someone else.’ Most of those relationships were good, but when they ended, I would approach the end with the lack of being too happy with them, so losing them wasn’t the most devastating.
I would say that it was the wrong way to approach a relationship, even though nothing ever awful has stemmed from it and I have kept one or two as friends, since I didn’t go off the deep end when it ended with them. I didn’t do enough to celebrate the relationship, which was wrong and likely was the reason for the end of a relationship or two.
I could probably go on and on, but that would just lead to incoherent ramblings. I didn’t get to 10k before the 12:00, although I have kept the Active Hours chase alive. Time to reach my goal and then go veg on the couch.
