Thursday, November 17, 2022

3111 Thursday, November 17th - early morning

05:28… while on the phone with Nay, I dropped a "live in the now" line on her.  I can't quite remember how I got there, but I did say something like that to her and after a deposit just now, that's the line I'm thinking about the most right now.


Nay is compelled to dwell in what she has lost recently.  Both her parents passed away not long ago and she had her longtime cat pass away too.  I think it's healthy to grieve, but to keep going back to them in conversation isn't healthy.


Personally, I don't emotionally miss anything.  I say to Bipasha that I miss her when she is not around, more because that usually makes her feel good, but I acknowledge that she is a great chef and we get along just swimmingly, but do I actually miss her when she's not here?  No, I make the most of what I've got at the moment.


Emotions are a funny beast.  People deal with them differently and that's one of the biggest difficulties in navigating through life with billions of other people.


Logically speaking, emotions don't always seem to make the most sense.  They can be fun to play with, but they can also be a huge weight holding us down.  In my desired "easy life," I understand that emotions can make things and decisions more difficult, which is why I can separate myself from them a little easier.  Is it the healthiest mentally?  I would debate on the side for it, because it hasn't hurt my mood and my interactions with others.


I've always tried to look at the big picture, trying to decide whether or not something is good for me and/or will make my life easier.  I look at things or activities and assess what the benefits of the good are versus the cost of the bad.  Clearly, that's what everyone should do for everything.  Further to that, assessing the cost of good versus the value of the good thing.


I think this will take me back into the relationship thought process.  The perfect relationship shouldn't take any work at all.  You and your partner should enjoy the same things and dislike the same things.  There are billions of people out there, there has to be someone who thinks like you.  If you're going to settle for less, what is the cost of that?  Emotions?  Time?  Money?  Is it worth it to settle?


You might have that noted instinctual need to procreate.  What's that worth to you?  Most who answer that question with "everything," don't look at the big picture, in my opinion.  The nature of procreation in life today seems to me to be just as destructive as it is productive.  There are more than a few mistakes made, thanks to this instinctual need and as good as bringing new life into this world can be, are the overall costs of our lives and everything we enjoy worth it?


I would have paid that cost, if I didn't get away with making those mistakes, because I wasn't the most careful, but I am sure glad that it didn't cost me in the biggest picture, although everything would have turned out differently and I might still have my arm.


No, no… I'm not going to dwell in what could have been, I'm going to live in the now and accept where I am.  I'll change what is needed, if I can and I'll just go on as such.


06:28… time to get up!


Wednesday, November 2, 2022

3069 Wednesday, November 2nd - early morning

05:21… what do you value the most?


Prior to the accident, I put a lot of value into my love of professional sports teams, like the Canucks and Chelsea, but they were no help to my recovery.


I want to go down the road of the value of cheering for those professional sports teams and what it got me.


It's fun to be associated with a team, as it acts like a relationship with someone.  There is something to be said about someone who sticks with a team through the bad years, as much as the good ones.  Sadly, with so many pro teams, in just about every sport, championships are much harder to win and the associated argument value of that is so much higher, among fellow supporters of the sport or the league.


In the grand scheme of it all, what's it really worth?  In recent years, I have placed less immediate value on those teams, because supporting them didn't save my life.  I still support them when I see what they're up to, but I'm not going to go as crazy as some, because I don't value it as much as I did before.


That can be said about a few things.  TV shows and movies don't carry the same value as they once did.  I don't feel like there is as much time in our existence to comb through everything new, especially like I once did.


Sticking to the old favorites and venturing into some of the newer additions to my favorite franchises keeps me in a good spot of satisfaction.


I'm also getting tired of the "overly critical" line of thought.  It has become fashionable to try and find the smallest flaws in everything.  Yes, there are critics of just about everything and they get paid for their critiques, but no one is going to stop and pay someone money to someone who made a critical observation, correctly, incorrectly or controversial.


Being ever so close to death has changed my perspective on a lot of things.  Entertainment being one, obviously, but just the overall sense of enjoyment is such a big deal.  Did you enjoy your life, at the end of it, that's a big deal.


05:55… that was a long way around to get there.  If you didn't enjoy your life, there's a pretty good chance that you caused the people around you to not enjoy your life as well.