Saturday, December 31, 2022

3246 Saturday, December 31st - afternoon

12:52… I have moved to the couch, loading up my laptop, because I wasn’t feeling writing on my phone again.  I wanted to see how this goes and work from there.


With New Year’s right around the corner, I’ve gotten to start thinking again and there are some things worth noting for me.  All of the celebrations taking place around the world, which have already started in the Far East, don’t seem to be relatable to me anymore.


I guess you could say that I am growing colder in my 40’s, mostly because I don’t seem to care as much about anything nowadays.  I’m not exactly getting evil, I’m just at a point of indifference about anything and everything.  I’m definitely gaining more understanding for the storied hermits, in fiction and in reality, seeing that everyone else still seems to care about people, places and things and not feeling any relation to that idea.


This time of year is just full of empty sentiment, a lot of which people attach themselves to in order to gain a sense of belonging.  I can definitely see how that would be important to those who feel the need for that kind of thing.  For a lot of hermits, which is only just a guess, because I have much doubt that many of them have involved themselves in many official polls on the subject, they have likely come to the conclusion that nothing really matters in this universe.  How far they have explored that idea will likely vary from hermit to hermit, but just understanding that nothing really matters can really free up a lot of energy in life.


When I boil down my understanding of life on this marble that we call Earth, a lot of popular beliefs fall to the wayside and by a lot, I basically mean all of them.  What we know for sure is that humans, like all animals on this planet, are born, they live their life and then they die.  Really easy and straightforward.  Humans, throughout history, have been prone to want something more in just about every facet of our being.  They have all wanted more meaning, reason and in most cases, more success.


I’m thinking that I have written this idea before, but instead of needing to go back through the archives, I’ll write it again, just to save time.


13:53… I like to think I have done a good job of figuring out how to live a pretty good life.  Has it been the best possible result?  No, probably not, but are there any regrets?  No, nothing too terribly important in that regard.  I’ve taken what has been presented to me, looked at it all with my logical mind, determining whether or not it made sense to me.  I’ve had to be adaptable to a number of situations, giving a few things a try and determining whether or not they should be used going forward.


Popular ideas and/or beliefs in the world, like religion or relationships never made a lot of sense to me.


Religion has had its place throughout society, instilling a fear of eternal damnation if you don’t follow their rules.  I can see how a need for an overarching supernatural judgmental spirit would be necessary for those who required a reason to follow said rules.  The rules, themselves, have made a lot of sense through time, having the real good ones as the foundation of today’s laws in the present day.  Sadly, there are a number of minds, especially in overarching positions of power, that have not evolved, like humans and society have.


I never thought anything in the Christian folklore made a whole lot of sense, so I never kept any of its reasoning close at hand.  I’ve been a good person, more for the good spirited returns that I will see in this lifetime, rather than the make believe returns in the unproven afterlife.


Now, relationships… that’s a different beast.  First, the animal's sense of mating… there hasn’t been a drive to branch out and start my own family.  I’ve looked at a lot of examples of families in my life and I haven’t seen anything about them that I would like to attach myself to.  


The time required for relationships is a ridiculous cost for an uncertain return.  Personally, I’ve never met anyone who has appeared to me to be worth all that time spent.  The early stages of a lot of relationships are definitely exciting, as you’re both learning about each other, physically and mentally. 


The church’s idea of love and marriage definitely showcase their inability to evolve.  I have definitely noticed that animals, not just humans, can change their minds about something.  


To me, if I have found that person that I would consider to be my “perfect match,” I wouldn’t need a title or piece of paper to say so.  The belief that my perfect match is out there is only just that… a belief.  There is no proof of it being the case and the cost of trying to find that “special someone” is also exceptionally high.


I would say that finding that perfect match has some long odds associated with it.  Society again bases their principles on the religious foundation that everyone is going to find someone, start a family and be happy with that idea.  They teach everyone, from an early age, that if you don’t find someone, you’ll be lonely and sad.


The cost of trying to determine if someone is worth your time, money and well being is far too high, only to find out that they’re not.  In theory, the perfect fit will be easy to determine, especially if you know what you’re looking for and need.


I think that dating nowadays is just the process of learning whether or not you would settle for them.  You acknowledge that they’re not perfect, but someone you could stand to be around, more often than not, which won’t be a constant throughout your life.  I, personally, don’t want to settle for someone, nor have someone settle for me.  At the root of that idea, there is always room for improvement and that’s hardly a stable foundation to build anything on.


The time and money savings versus that little bit of good that a relationship can give you is an easy decision for me.


The social aspect of life is an important one.  People need to deal with people in various ways to get what they need.  Nourishment and shelter are necessary needs in life and society has made their acquisition an interactive feat.  Friendship is another element to human interaction, be it another human or a pet.  Friendship is a tricky element, again as people change throughout their lives.


Knowing people and hanging around them also carries the costs of time, money and well-being.  I don’t have a large circle of close friends these days, mostly due to my availability and personality conflicts.  People are always changing, myself included, and what everyone values is always at the root of friendship.


I’m sort of losing my train of thought… I think that I am a good person and I think that I can remain that way if I limit my social activity and my friends remain at a minimum.  The costs just seem to be too high to have a large number of close friends.  There are people that I know and would do nice things for, but keeping close friends can tend to be a chore.


The hermit life is appealing, controlling my interactions to the full hermit experience will be difficult, until I own my own place finally.


Monday, December 26, 2022

3229 Monday, December 26th - early morning

05:46… some gas and my bladder rudely woke me up and I felt the need to get up.  Now, I can't get back to sleep.


I'vr been thinking about my thoughts about how people want a bigger and better story for themselves and I've had another thought… People want to believe in the mysterious supernatural because they don't want anything to be their fault.


"It's just God's way" or "it must have been written in the stars'' or "it was just meant to be."  All of those types of lines are out there to explain the inexplicable to the simple minds.


Everything has a reason for happening, yes, or it has several reasons through countless layers of thoughts, actions, mistakes and/or conversations, which cannot immediately be grasped in that certain moment, trying to explain why it happened.


If you're one that craves more meaning in your life, you can obviously move to the mystic arts and try to find the one you can wrap your head around, but at the end of the day, this planet will continue on its orbit and the 8 billion people on it, will inhabit it until either they find a way to move on or they fight their way to a horrible destruction of the planet's ecosystem, ending all life on it in one big swoop.


People on this planet need proper leadership.  Each country, continent, territory or confederation has their own way, belief structure, currency and government, not to mention the factions of people who believe in those things or those who don't.  There is just too much going on and no real resolutions are going to be achieved.


There are some hopeless romantics who believe that their belief structure will pull us through as a whole or just pull the select few who do believe. 


06:25… oh well, time to get moving.

Sunday, December 11, 2022

3184 Sunday, December 11th - morning

07:20… I waited to finish the level in Game Of Words that I was on before getting going and there was an extended bathroom stop needed in the early NCR too, just in case you were wondering about the start time.


The night was pretty good, except for the time being cut short again.  I was pretty comfortable and I was definitely dreaming.  Dreaming of getting chased, I’m not sure by who, but there was a chase going on.  I must have been moving around in bed, because the neck pillow I use for writing at night was on the floor this morning.


  • Lung recruitment: 1.

  • Shorts change: 2, purple & yellows.

  • Made the bed: 3.

  • Turn the computer on: 8.

  • Bladder empty: 5, bladder & bowel.

  • Bottle empty: 4.

  • Wash up: 6.

  • Weigh-in: 7.

  • Turn off the Katchy: 19.

  • Computer logged on: 10.

  • Pills and vitamins: 9.

  • Deodorant: 11.

  • Voltaren/Diclo10%: 12.

  • Moisturiser: 13.

  • Shoulder brace: 14.

  • Shirt change: 15, maroon yoga.

  • Fitbit battery: 16, 97%.

  • PowerBreathe: 30 inhales. (07:35) 17.

  • Head start: (07:37) 18.


07:57… the first timer has been completed with Sportsnet Central on.  


It’s hard not to notice that there are an unsettling amount of betting websites advertising on TV now, which has led my brain to consider how their only guard against being accused of the eventual financial downfall of many is having a clause in the programming about “responsible betting.”  The similarities to all the alcohol advertising is quite atrocious.  As much as responsible habits are being suggested, they certainly aren’t going to work.  Failures will happen, knowing first hand about not responsibly drinking, and it’s interesting to see where the line is, in terms of protection.  The government can’t stop irresponsible behaviour, they just force the absolute minimums for legal reasons.


Okay, I just needed to work that out in my head.  Alcohol, gambling and religion… they’re all designed to make you feel good, but they all don’t mean anything at the very end of it all.


  • Email:

    • Main account: I had one trade offer accepted and a couple pieces of spam.

    • Gmail: a couple pieces in there that didn’t make any difference.

  • Upper Deck: it was a 2 for 2 deal that I sent out and the free pack was 0 for 3 again.

  • Facebook: three notifications, no birthdays and there was plenty to react to in the news feed.

  • Twitter: nothing caught my eye there.

  • Fitbit:

    • Steps yesterday: 21.1k.

    • Floors: 68.

    • Active Minutes: 90.

    • Active Heart: 17 Zone minutes.

    • Active Hours: 10/10.

    • Sleep: 355 minutes.

    • Weight: 170.2 pounds.

    • Stress Management: 81.

    • Readiness: 88.

    • RHR: 65 bpm.

    • Water: the second was poured in time.

  • Budget: nothing again.  An Instacart order may be needed today.

  • Brenda's Hockey Pool: yesterday wasn’t great, I’m still down 115.3-111.8.  My last two additions were made to possibly help my cause.

  • Fantasy Hockey: I’m still down here too.  112-84, it’s not my week again.

  • Tony’s World Cup Pool: I’m still in 2nd and I have been wrestling in my head about Morocco… Do I take them or not?  If I want to win 1st place, I’ll likely have to take them.


08:49… I thought about an Instacart order, but couldn’t commit to the idea.  Maybe I will later.


08:53… I’ve fallen behind the regular schedule, oh well.


  • Bosu Ball: (09:16) the timer was done, 4.6k, 26 floors and 1 Zone minute.

  • Physio Exercises

    • Warm Ups

      • Side Shuffle: 30 laps, head up and focusing on the right foot

      • Single leg stands without a pole: 5 stands on each leg

      • Single leg stands with a pole: 5 stands on each leg, 5 head turns on each stand

      • Calf stretches: 2 stretches each leg x the count of 45

      • 4 Square Tiles, eyes up & head turns: 10 laps

      • March in place at the table, shoulder checking: 10 shoulder checks both sides

      • Bat turns: 100 turns, 27oz bat

      • Free weight wrist lifts off the table: 100 x 5 lbs lifts

      • Left hand/head resistance: 10 pushes/pulls

      • Chin tucks: 5 tucks x the count of 30 

      • Squeeze the hand strengthener: 88 squeezes (09:47)

    • Upper Body

      • Pull the band on the sliding door, between 6pm and 11pm, lead with the back of the hand: 80 pulls red

      • Curls on the Bosu Ball: 50 x 10 lbs. curls

      • Rows bent over: 30 x 35 lbs. rows

      • Scapular plane eccentric lowering: 10 x 10 lbs. (09:56)

    • Lower Body

      • Step ups on the step board, each foot leads for a song: 194 step ups, One Week of Danger by the Virgins and Weird Goodbyes by the National. 6.3k, 31 floors and 4 Zone minutes.

      • Bottle lid taps with my toes with head turns: 40 taps (10:09)

  • Bosu Ball: (10:30) 8.7k, 31 floors and 4 Zone minutes… I did a good job of catching up to the desired step pace.

  • Protein shake: a caramel shake is what popped up today.


10:31… and now, I’m done with the Sunday physio.


10:41… I seem to be having some thoughts about the relevance of anything.  Looking at life in that direction, it makes a lot of sense when the previous figures in human history created a fictional relevance.  Life just had to mean more than nothing, right?


The fictional creation created hope and relevance for the human race to continue to evolve.  We, as a people, wouldn't be where we are without that hope.  Where anyone finds their meaning to continue is purely up to them and those who can't find it will likely choose their way to finish.


That sense of wanting more is an interesting notion.  



Just seeing the definition doesn't feel enough in the grand scheme of things.  It seems to mean so much to everyone.


I suppose that if everyone in the human race was content with what they had, we'd still be so far back in the evolution of everything.


I, for one, am reasonably content, despite my physical shortcomings or losses.  Do I want my previous life back?  Sure, but that isn't going to happen.


I'm content with where I am at the moment.  Of course, there is going to be some return on the accident and I should be living a little bit better.


The biggest point that I like pointing out is that I can definitely see myself becoming a recluse.  I kind of understand the attraction to that lifestyle.  Just occupying my designated space and not causing any trouble.


Thanks to my brain injury, I'm not getting the same enjoyment from playing fantasy sports.  Watching sports doesn't need any extra meaning in my head, so the enjoyment of said sports sort of fades away.


That will likely turn some heads in my personal community.  It's becoming more of a chore than a pleasure.  Writing it down does make me feel better.


Nay was asking me what goals I had going forward and I have always been one to stay away from goal setting.  If you have goals, there is always a chance for disappointment.  I have always benefitted from enjoying the things that improve my life, as a whole.  I enjoy them more if I'm getting better at doing them.  There's that word again!  


11:48… I got up, found Seinfeld and got my 10k steps.