Monday, February 20, 2023

3696 Monday, February 20th - afternoon

11:56… I was going to ask Joni if there was any topic that she would want to see covered for a homework project, but I didn't.


I just posted a handful of posts on the blog site, but there hasn't been many views on it yet.  Only Nay really knows about it, so that's probably why.  It's not even a good use of probably, it's more of a definite case than anything.


12:02… the Noon doses have been taken/applied, so now I can get back to work.


Work?  There's definitely a part of me that misses the everyday routine of getting up, going to work and living that part of life.


When I was working and living that everyday life, I think I had the question of what it would be like if I was to ever become disabled.  It was hard to imagine as a busybody, but here I am!  Life today is still about routines, but at a different pace, obviously.


The feeling of productivity has taken a whole new perspective.  Productivity is now for me and not for whoever is signing my cheques, which is an important distinction.


The social life is also not where it used to be either.  It's definitely an important aspect of life, in theory.  Everyone is different and that includes everyone's value on a social life.


I enjoy being social, but it isn't the most important thing to me.  I can spend some time alone, mostly because I don't feel a need to plot grand schemes of death and destruction.  Granted, those who do were probably treated poorly in social situations.  There are some deep rooted topics here, yikes!


I kind of wish that I had a topic to write about.  I could jump from topic to topic, but that will be hard to keep straight, as you might have already noticed.


Okay, being disabled… Yes, there is more than enough time now.  Trying to stay busy and trying to find value in just about anything that I can get my hands on.


With all this time, there certainly isn't enough good TV programming to fill it up.  Of course, that's a personal opinion, which can be debated by anyone and likely everyone.  


Alright, here's a topic that has popped up in my head, which could be associated with the topic of being disabled.  I've now gone down the path of "nothing really matters" and as dark as that is, it's an interesting idea.


12:33… that's likely what roots the "looking for something more in life" thought process and understandably so.  People have had a history of thinking that there has to be something more to this life, which attempts to be enough to keep everyone going.


There has been no proof that there is any more beyond this life, so we have got to do our best to try and enjoy what we've got.  There is a general acceptance or belief that there are things that everyone can do to make each other happy.  Unfortunately, there are those who don't subscribe to those ideas and their animal instincts end up driving their way through life, which have some potential for being pretty awful for everyone involved or looking upon them.  Of course, that's a sliding scale according to everyone's personal opinion.


Personal opinion is a slippery slope.  What have I got myself into?


Right… the time being disabled… let's try to stay on that topic.


The hours awake have surely shrunk… there are no late nights anymore, not voluntarily anyway.  The hours staying up with TV shows, movies, sporting events, beverages and friends aren't what they used to be, that's for sure.  Trying to squeeze everything into the hours available is fighting a lost cause.  Accepting that what you have to work with is less is most important, because then you're not wasting time debating how it's all going to fit and you just get right to work on living your life.


13:44… well, I just had a call from Dad, he was having some Excel problems and needed my help.  Unfortunately, it looked like he mistakenly deleted the sheet that he was looking for, instead of hiding it, which I thought was a possibility.  


While tinkering and looking for the options to unhide the sheets, he went off and screwed around with some functions and accidentally hid another sheet.  His impatience did him in and he's now back to being a little kid.  That was a 41-minute phone call, that was fun.


Now, where was I?  If you've accepted the changes in your life, then a lot less fighting will be going on in your head and you'll have more time to do what you need.  


Also, the debate of knowing what you want versus what you need is also another good time saving step, if done right away.


Having a good handle on what you value is another important aspect, both for the disabled and able-bodied types.  If you need to have a set of values decided by an all-seeing and all-knowing overlord, then so be it.  For me, personally, it's about keeping life easy, which does involve treating others well, because you'll generally get what you give in return, which keeps your life working well.


Taking a longer look at what I value now, it's a much shorter list than what it used to be.  I look at that list, which isn't in list form yet, and I don't miss the things that used to be on it.  I used to care about professional sports, movies and a few more things, but I'm not losing any sleep being oblivious to those things.


I still enjoy helping out where I can, staying active, writing, listening to music, being entertained (to a less important level) and other little things.  I'm not going to list them all here now, but if you were to ask me about a random element, I'm sure I could confidently and quickly say whether or not it matters in my life.


Everyone is going to be different, in the size of their list and the approximate value assigned to each element, but as long as you know what you believe is important to you, then you're ahead of the game.


14:16… man, that was a lot of rambling.


Sunday, February 12, 2023

3670 Sunday, February 12th - early morning

05:52… what do God, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common?  They're all supposed to teach children to be good.  


That notion that there is a God is now more for people to justify their good will towards other people and in a lot of cases, they need that justification to keep doing nice things, believing that there is something good at the end of our life cycle.


There's that term "believing" again.  Accepting something as the truth or accepting the idea that something exists should always get trumped by proof being given.


Having faith in something that hasn't been proven to exist can and should be equated with putting money into a low risk/high reward type of scam.


Religion is supposed to teach goodness and love.  That this fantastic supervisor of all things and people will reward you after you die, if you follow these strict batches of rules written at a time when there were no rules.  I have written before that I can appreciate the idea of trying to persuade the masses that there is this grand supervisor, because the masses are still rather dumb, but the masses are still the masses.  They can, will and don't need to be prodded too greatly to stomp those who disagree with them too loudly.


I understand the idea that everyone has the right to believe in whatever they want.  It's supposed to keep all the different religions happy and safe, in theory.  Now in the news, there have been a lot of antisemitism incidents in North America.  People harming other people, or their property, because they're Jewish.  The Jews have had a bad rap for a long time, the Nazis had their issues with them, which caused World War ii.  


I'm not sure, I haven't been told or taught what the Nazis or these far-right individuals have against the Jewish people. they do have a certain way about themselves, which can be perceived poorly, but that is far from a good reason to hate.


06:32… well, time to get up!


Thursday, January 26, 2023

3622 Thursday, January 26th - evening

21:16… Dad recommended a show on Amazon Prime that I had bookmarked, Loudermilk, and I watched a few episodes of that before bed.  Now I'm in bed, so let's begin!


  • Check the coffee maker: 5

  • Refill the pills caddy: 4

  • Pills and vitamins: 6 & 14

  • Retrieve the urinal bottle: 3

  • Refill the distilled water bottle: 2

  • Brace in the application tube: 7

  • Shower: 8

  • Brush teeth: 9

  • Mouthwash: 10

  • Voltaren/Diclo10%: 11

  • Remember to check the lid of the Diclo cream: 12

  • Shut the computer down: 13

  • Refill the Bipap reservoir: 1

  • Lung recruitment: 16

  • Headband: 15

  • Bipap mask: 17

  • Fitbit battery: 18, 51%


21:18… the day of taking it easy was a success after the walk in the morning, so that's good.  We'll see how I feel in the morning.


Joni was here right at 16:00, which I meant to point out, but it sort of passed me by.  She worked extra hard on dinner tonight. Tonight's meat selection was the prawns and scallops, which she studied for, in terms of cooking them.  She threw together some ingredients for a creamy pasta sauce, which had a great flavour and kick, but she made way too much spaghetti, which was quite funny.  She didn't serve it until 17:30, which wasn't terrible, and her effort wasn't in vain, it was really good.


Some of the weather reports say there is going to be snow overnight and the temperatures that I saw said it was going to be warmer in the morning and will continue to cool off throughout the day.  If we walk, it might be chilly.


I talked with Dad at a reasonable time tonight, he recommended the show and he was the one keeping the call to a reasonable duration.


TV Viewing Notes:

  • Sportsnet Central

  • The Last Man On Earth S03E06 - S03E09

  • Bob's Burgers S01E11 & S01E15

  • Tim & Friends

  • Hockey Central

  • Global News at 5

  • Global National 

  • Seinfeld S08E18 & S08E19

  • Loudermilk S01E01 - S01E03


21:34… I'm continuing to look at the hermit lifestyle as an appealing option.


The needed conversation would be a short one nowadays.  Food, shelter, funding, entertainment and oxygen… those are five needs at an absolute level.  I'd argue against the social aspect as a need, maybe a want now and again, but a need?  I might go crazy without it, but it would be my choice.  You could add the computer as well, I'd need one of those too.


The cost of being social is paid for in brainpower and exertion.  Some people are expensive that way.


Another topic that has loomed large is that nothing really means anything.  This stems back to some points that I have made before.  There are a lot of people who try to find some extra meaning in their lives, thinking that there just has to be something more to this life.


You would think that if there was something more to this life, that it would be ridiculously obvious and smacks you right in the face.


I was saying to Joni that one of the human race's biggest shortcomings was maintaining expectations for anything and everything.  She didn't disagree.


Expectations are great when they are realized, but they can be an utter disaster if they're not.  I maintain my even keel through the lack of expectations that I have.


22:00… that's been weighing me down a little lately.


Saturday, January 14, 2023

3589 Saturday, January 14th - evening

20:50… the sports that were on TV weren't going my way, so I decided to watch a movie, which stirred up some thoughts, but I'll do what I have to first and then I might explore those thoughts.


I'm in bed now, if you haven't guessed.


  • Check the coffee maker: 1

  • Retrieve the urinal bottle: 2

  • Brace in the application tube: 4

  • Shower: 5

  • Brush teeth: 6

  • Mouthwash: 7

  • Voltaren/Diclo10%: 8

  • Remember to check the lid of the Diclo cream: 9

  • Shut the computer down: 10

  • Pills and vitamins: 3 & 11

  • Refill the Bipap reservoir: 12

  • Lung recruitment: 13

  • Headband: 14

  • Bipap mask: 15

  • Fitbit battery: 16, 52%


20:53… I did a very good job of staying off the Bosu Ball, getting very little steps after that giant walk, except there were a few in the shower, which should go without saying.


Bipasha came for the dinner shift again and she was impressed with the walking story.  She made a very tasty chicken dish that had a fair bit of kick to it.  There were a few laughs with her tonight, but I'm drawing a blank trying to recall them.  She was quite alright with the idea of resting after that walk, she would have considered me even crazier if I didn't rest after not only that walk, but the two 25k days before them.  I'm never one to oppose the argument of crazy, especially when the case is strong.


After she took off, I went straight to the shower and then got cleaned up.  Then it was straight back to the couch, where I flipped around, found that the sports were going poorly and then found Free Guy on the Chromecast.


Dad called in the middle of the movie, I had talked with him earlier in the afternoon, just before Bipasha arrived.  He didn't have too much on, 8n either call, but I said that I was watching the movie, so the second call didn't last long.


So the movie, Free Guy… Ryan Reynolds plays Guy, a video game NPC, who has been coded with some high end AI and he grows to love this female character in the game, who is played by one of the game's co-creators.  It's a cute story with a roundabout love story, which had a few giggles in it too.


It's just yet another cookie cutter story about needing something more in our lives.  As much as these cute stories entertain us, they try to teach the necessity of finding something great.  


As much as it might be great to find something like that, which is probably true, the math of it all really doesn't work out in favour of these stories, which is clear by the growing number of divorces in western culture.  The odds of finding that perfect someone are so incredibly small, the hope of finding that someone might turn into something terrible, depending on the person in question.


I mean the possibilities are gruesome, in the worst case scenarios and the sliding scale can run awfully steep.


Nay keeps on telling me that my special person is out there, which might be the case.  She says she's not with the church's beliefs, but I do think that what she is saying is one.  I can't get a word in edgewise to argue that point when I'm on the phone with her, but that's okay.  She has met someone new and exciting, so it would be bastardly to throw a wrench into that operation.


I'm not convinced that there is anything more to this life, everything else are just tales of fiction and high hopes.  I saw someone along the path today providing literature for free bible studies, but I haven't sunk low enough to start chirping at them out of nowhere.


In theory, I'm okay with the beliefs of others.  It's just everywhere you look nowadays, especially when I see it the other way.  It just further proves the notion that there are a lot of stupid people out there.


TV Viewing Notes:

  • NFL Kickoff 

  • Seahawks @ 49ers

  • Global National

  • Global News Hour

  • Chargers @ Jaguars 

  • Canucks @ Panthers

  • Free Guy


21:45… well, I'm done with typing.  The pills are going to kick in soon.


Friday, January 13, 2023

3584 Friday, January 13th - early morning

05:08… I just made a deposit and now my brain is working, so I'm hoping that writing down what I'm thinking about will help again.


The current debate up there is my relationship with sports.  Before the madness happened, I would say that I enjoyed thinking about sports all the time and tried to find all the little patterns and niche elements that would help with betting or competing with others in fantasy versions of that particular sport.


Now, my brain doesn't want to process all that studying.  It doesn't seem to enjoy keeping up with the thousands of players, their injuries or the related transactions that will make a team better or worse.


Having to do all this homework all the time is really taking the enjoyment out of sports and then on top of that, the money factor.  The competitor in me wants to win and that part of me gets exceptionally frustrated with the analytical absence.  


I would just like to go back to watching sports for entertainment and see if my brain wants to pay more attention to it and see if I can kick it back into gear.  It's certainly not going to happen with all this frustration, it'll happen naturally, if it happens at all.


05:24… There.  I'm glad I have that written out.


05:34… just thinking about the need to write things out… these longer expressive thoughts are still being had by this broken brain of mine, but the ability to process these thoughts into speech is where I have the most difficulty.


The conveyor belt that carries the thoughts down the line has to push the thoughts through a hole to get into the next room, which is where the speech is worked out and as quickly as the thought process is producing, the hole to get to the speech room is not big enough and that's where a lot of the stuttering and difficulty comes from.



05:46… that's not exactly what I was writing about, but it's close enough.


06:07… as much as it might seem like I have it somewhat together, that paper jam is real… and it makes for a really good analogy, the more I think about it.


Sunday, January 8, 2023

3269 Sunday, January 8th - morning

07:15… it was an okay night.  There was a deposit made sometime around 02:15 and I was able to get back to sleep.  It wasn’t the most comfortable sleep, but it wasn’t overly uncomfortable either.  I wasn’t in the biggest hurry to get up, there was nothing that I was looking forward to, in order to expedite the process.


Nevertheless, I’m up now, I added a serving of Restoralax to my coffee and I’m ready to get going.


  • Lung recruitment: 1.

  • Shorts change: 3, purple & yellows.

  • Made the bed: 2.

  • Bottle empty: 4.

  • Bladder empty: 5, bladder & bowel.

  • Wash up: 6.

  • Weigh-in: 7.

  • Turn the computer on: 8.

  • Pills and vitamins: 9.

  • Computer logged on: 10.

  • Deodorant: 11.

  • Voltaren/Diclo10%: 12.

  • Moisturiser: 13.

  • Shoulder brace: 14.

  • Shirt change: 15, red & black.

  • Fitbit battery: 16, 36%.

  • PowerBreathe: 30 inhales. (07:31) 17.

  • Head start: (07:33) 18.


07:53… the balance was a little frayed, stepping off more than a few times and the 1.9k and 12 floors were good indicators of that.  That was not great or even good, for that matter.


  • Email:

    • Main account: a trade offer was accepted and two more were received.  All three folders were open too.

    • Gmail: an Instacart promo was in there this morning.

  • Upper Deck: both trade offers wanted the same card, but one was offering a card I didn’t have and that won.  The free pack was 2 for 3, so three came off the wishlist this morning.  The MVP progress now sits at 101/200.

  • Facebook: two notifications, an unworthy birthday and there weren't many reactions given.

  • Twitter: there wasn’t much to speak of there.

  • Fitbit:

    • Steps yesterday: 22.3k.

    • Floors: 100.

    • Active Minutes: 150.

    • Active Heart: 26 Zone minutes.

    • Active Hours: 10/10.

    • Sleep: 419 minutes.

    • Weight: 172.4 pounds.

    • Stress Management: 77.

    • Readiness: 47.

    • RHR: 65 bpm.

    • Water: the second has been poured.

  • Budget: yesterday’s Walmart visit needed logging.

  • Brenda's Hockey Pool: my good day wasn’t good enough, 118.1-105.9 is what I’m still down by.  Today doesn’t look good.

  • Fantasy Hockey: my lead shrunk from 15 to 2 points.  Not fantastic.

  • Tony's Football Pool: 53 entries went 2-0 yesterday, including myself and Dad.  The big day is today.


08:27… there’s the Sunday routine done.  There was a Sport Chek clearance promo that interested me.


08:35… nothing did interest me.


  • Bosu Ball: (08:59) 4.1k made for a decent second timer.  There were also 33 floors.  

  • Physio Exercises

    • Warm Ups

      • Side Shuffle: 20 laps, head up and focusing on the right foot

      • Single leg stands without a pole: 5 stands on each leg

      • Single leg stands with a pole: 5 stands on each leg, 5 head turns on each stand

      • Single leg stands with a pole: without leaning on the pole, move the eye focus, 1 set on each foot.

      • Calf stretches: 2 stretches each leg x the count of 45

      • 4 Square Tiles, eyes up & head turns: 13 laps

      • March in place at the table, shoulder checking: 10 shoulder checks both sides

      • Bat turns: 100 turns, 28oz bat

      • Free weight wrist lifts off the table: 100 x 10 lbs lifts

      • Left hand/head resistance: 10 pushes/pulls

      • Chin tucks: 5 tucks x the count of 30 

      • Squeeze the hand strengthener: 73 squeezes (09:38)

    • Upper Body

      • Pull the band on the sliding door, between 6pm and 11pm, lead with the back of the hand: 80 pulls red

      • Curls on the Bosu Ball: 40 x 10 lbs. curls

      • Rows bent over: 30 x 35 lbs. rows

      • Scapular plane eccentric lowering: 10 x 10 lbs. (09:47)

    • Lower Body

      • Step ups on the step board, each foot leads for a song: 239 step ups, Black Mirror by Arcade Fire and Merry Happy by Kate Nash, 5.9k, 39 floors and 7 Zone minutes.

      • Bottle lid taps with my toes with head turns: 40 taps (10:00)

  • Bosu Ball: (10:23) 8k, 39 floors and 7 Zone minutes.

  • Counter Total: 350 

  • Protein shake: a fourth cuppa and a chocolate shake.


09:04…  I readjusted my brace, it wasn’t quite feeling right on the ball.


10:25… the physio is done.  


10:29… I've moved to the couch and I'll try to remember what was keeping my brain busy on the ball.


Yesterday, Dad saw an envelope from Rakuten on the table and he questioned me about it a little.  I said that I had a look at it and gave it a try.  If I knew him, which I do, he was likely annoyed by the relentless marketing, which automatically made it a bad thing.  There is another company, Poshmark, having a relentless marketing campaign and that clearly was annoying him too.  He was under the impression that people are assuming that they'd be making a lot of money with these companies, but there was no mention of large profits with either program.  He's definitely showing his age.


I was also thinking about just how bad the word "believe" is.  I'm thinking that I have tackled this idea before.  I went right back to it, thinking how bad of shape the human race is in, purely on the belief systems around the world.  Religious beliefs, political beliefs and other various things all have an effect on the greater whole.  There isn't a lot of logic in their reasoning, which conflicts with other beliefs and through that conflict may come some form of violence.


Both points were thought of greatly to keep my brain busy, instead of thinking about a bad day in the brain.  I'm not caring a great deal about the usual things.  Thankfully, I'm sticking to the steps and exercise, so that hasn't been lost, although it has been close.


There isn't a great fear for my bad day, I'm not feeling anything that I shouldn't, in theory.  I'm sure that it will pass, but there might be a little darkness in these thoughts.  It might be considered dark for some, like 'do we value life too much?'


If I was to start a political party or an interest group, I would highlight the ideals of keeping the human race moving forward.  There is a proven science that there is some evolution going on with our species.


Evolution doesn't require that the entire species stays alive, rather the weaker lot does fall to the sides and the stronger procreates amongst itself.


The sheer numbers of humans, already on this planet, has opened up the biological possibilities of just about anything.  A lot of conflicts about denying that a possibility possibly occurred is remarkably silly.  There has been no scientific proof that any of these possibilities mean that there is a genetic weakness.  Evolution is not in jeopardy, just because these differences exist.


I'm also a wee bit confused about the whole suicide opposition.  This is where the "value of life" really comes into question.  Does the general public like to see death?  No, of course not.  Does the general public like suffering?  No, but death is worse.  How logical is that?


11:23… I got up for a bathroom break and got my Active Hour.


How is death worse than suffering?  Death is absolute, yes, but the chance of recovery from the suffering varies way too greatly and the recovery process, more often than not, is very costly.  If someone wants to recover from what they're suffering from, then the cost makes sense.  If someone wants to die, then the cost of a recovery that they don't want seems excessive.


How many of those successful recoveries lasted for very long?  What did it cost for them to only fall back into some more suffering?  Do we value the chance of something good happening too much?


That can be taken to a whole new level with the conflicts of abortion.  If a couple gets pregnant and they're not ready for it, how good is that life going to be when it comes into this world?  What if a girl gets raped and impregnated, how good is that life going to be?  The chances are quite slim that financial certainty and/or happiness will follow it along and more suffering will happen.


How long does suffering last when someone dies?  The person who dies won't suffer anymore and the people attached to that death may suffer from sadness for a while, but most will go back along their lives, moving on.  Those who suffer greatly from their sadness will either want to get better or not.  


The value the general public seemingly puts into those small chances really is illogical.  It all stems back to the general beliefs of the general public, which is likely the reason that a political party like that wouldn't succeed nowadays.


11:56… yeah, that bit of writing has lifted my spirits a little.