05:08… I just made a deposit and now my brain is working, so I'm hoping that writing down what I'm thinking about will help again.
The current debate up there is my relationship with sports. Before the madness happened, I would say that I enjoyed thinking about sports all the time and tried to find all the little patterns and niche elements that would help with betting or competing with others in fantasy versions of that particular sport.
Now, my brain doesn't want to process all that studying. It doesn't seem to enjoy keeping up with the thousands of players, their injuries or the related transactions that will make a team better or worse.
Having to do all this homework all the time is really taking the enjoyment out of sports and then on top of that, the money factor. The competitor in me wants to win and that part of me gets exceptionally frustrated with the analytical absence.
I would just like to go back to watching sports for entertainment and see if my brain wants to pay more attention to it and see if I can kick it back into gear. It's certainly not going to happen with all this frustration, it'll happen naturally, if it happens at all.
05:24… There. I'm glad I have that written out.
05:34… just thinking about the need to write things out… these longer expressive thoughts are still being had by this broken brain of mine, but the ability to process these thoughts into speech is where I have the most difficulty.
The conveyor belt that carries the thoughts down the line has to push the thoughts through a hole to get into the next room, which is where the speech is worked out and as quickly as the thought process is producing, the hole to get to the speech room is not big enough and that's where a lot of the stuttering and difficulty comes from.
05:46… that's not exactly what I was writing about, but it's close enough.
06:07… as much as it might seem like I have it somewhat together, that paper jam is real… and it makes for a really good analogy, the more I think about it.
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