12:34… I’m feeling a need to write. So, here goes.
My current thoughts on dating… yeah, that’s a good start. Okay, I have been historically terrible at choosing someone and be lucky enough for them to say yes. Des was the most recent attempt at it, which is probably for the best. As gorgeous and athletic as she is, she’s also a smoker and a dog-lover… both of which I was going to look past, but for how long? There was also Charla, who is fairly religious and she had thought about the idea of going out with me, even since the accident, and me being an Atheist was an immediate no for her. That’s okay, that would have been weird down the line. It might have been interesting, but the more likely result would have utter frustration, more so for her, likely.
I think my first girlfriend was Julie. We met online and things walked down the line from chatting to eventually meeting and then things progressed, which was a pretty normal process for me, looking back at everyone and everything. I have never been one to see a gal, who I found attractive, and just try to talk with her. That’s never been my style and the results have certainly shown that. I always wanted to get to know someone first and then see where it went, in theory.
My memory is really fuzzy on the next three girls on my list, but I remember I was introduced to Nao by Cam, as they worked together and we did a running event with their company and things just went from there. Francesca and Naomi were both in the UK and I’ve got the feeling that they saw me as an interesting foreigner and things kind of went from there. Both Kristy and Steph I have known for quite some time before we hooked up, not at the same time, but I was friends with both of them for a long time before and I was their junior at the time of. I still am, I guess, but that’s not the bigger point.
Yes, I did feel lonely, when I didn’t have anyone around, which was a lot of time, opposed to dating or in Nao’s case, living with. I did write some poetry back in the day, which I’m now curious about whether or not I’ve kept any of that poetry.
13:03… right, where was I? Yes, loneliness. Fortunately for me, I have kept a fairly simple lifestyle, the easier, the better. I have been one to take things as they come, including women, and just work it. I look at people having relationship problems and that has never been the most appealing product of “everyday life.” To find the “perfect mate” takes a lot of work and an absolute ton of luck. If luck has a greater value to it than work, I can let luck do most of the work for me.
Ever since the accident, I have had some thoughts about possibly getting together with someone, Des and Charla spring to mind, but that would have been a lot of work for what exactly? The cons outnumber and grossly outweigh the pros in that argument. What do I need? Some help around the house, which I have sourced out and maybe the odd orgasm, which I have accustomed to the occasional alternative fitness session, which the number of those has diminished in recent memory.
I’m trying my best not to worry about any of it and it’s seemingly going well of late. I can look upon a woman and admire her individual beauty, be it traditional or in the subjective sense. I don’t look at a lady and think to myself, “if I had her, I would do ______ to her.” That’s never really been in my thinking. I would say, honestly, I might have thought, “I wonder what she looks like naked.” But that’s it. Who hasn’t thought that?
No, besides the naked thoughts, I’ve never really said to myself, “boy, I would sure like to spend some time with her.” Maybe just Des, but that’s really all.
Since I never really had a whole lot of choices in my dating career, besides whether or not to agree to their selection of me, I’ve never really been a boyfriend acting at his best. I look at my relationship with Bipasha, as professional as it is, not to mention a few more of my caretakers, I’ve really gone the extra mile in wanting to take care of them, as well as they’re taking care of me, professionally. It is quickly becoming apparent that it was never impossible for me to be a better person, but having someone do their best to take care of me, that has sparked something in me to do and/or be better.
13:34… I’m going to get my hourly steps and then go find my laptop and try to write on the couch.
13:54… wow, that took a lot longer than expected. I did have to plug it in, uninstall some things and get my hourly steps, but I wasn’t thinking that it would be a 20-minute job. Oh well, no worries.
Yeah, so between, most notably, Sharon and Bipasha, I’ve given a care about someone who is caring for me. It isn’t the same, no arguments there, but it is somewhat important to what I’m trying to get to. I can care about someone and show that person that they are important to me, which probably was rarely done, if at all, with the ladies that I have previously mentioned. Which would have likely been the reason for each breakup from me, except for Julie, I wasn’t very into her.
I look at the animalistic side of it all, I’m sorry, I’m just going where my train of thought takes me. Between the need to pass along my genes and the method of doing so, that’s never really been the most important part of my thinking. The desire to be with someone, that has held a candle for whatever that is worth. The work required to make sure you’re compatible with that person and adapting to all the differences, just doesn’t seem very efficient to me. I would accept the rare case that I would find someone who is perfect or just so marginally imperfect that it’s not noticeable.
Between the battle against loneliness, the instinctual urges or keeping an efficient lifestyle, I’m siding with the latter.
14:18… I was thinking there would be more to that, but I might come back to this line of thinking at some point.
Maybe to finish the idea… I’m certainly not going to rule anything out, but I certainly am not going to look for it. I’ll give an interested party a chance, if they strike some important criteria (whether or not I find them attractive and their personality), while some other important ones (music, beliefs and sports) can be handled on a case by case basis. Besides paying money for the care that I need, I don’t really stand a chance with that one.
I’m thinking that the way it stands now, someone would have to work a lot harder than what anyone just meeting me for the first time would expect, when they meet that someone for the first time. I couldn’t possibly put someone through that, who didn't know what the benefits would be or who I was. Now, if someone knew what the workload was going to be and they were still up for the challenge, who am I to say no? Assuming they have met the other criteria.
14:46… I have been admittedly distracted by the software updates that the laptop needs, so they will take some more time, but I think I’ve got the bulk of what I wanted to write down.
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