2413 Sunday, April 17th - morning

06:38… history has shown us that the human race can settle.  It's rare for somebody to find their perfect match for mating.  Some people do, sure.  A lot of people just find someone to procreate with.  The belief that they have found "a love that will last forever" seems a bit hopeful, at best.  

Humans are still animals and the construct of marriage is only given a goal to build towards, thanks to our special brains and other beliefs that we have constructed.

I have never felt the need to get married and procreation didn't appeal to me, as a true desire.  If something happened along the way, I would have just accepted it and made the best of a new situation.

A lot of these regular constructs in human life have seemingly evolved from religion and trying to pass that off as "absolutely correct" is silly, because religion, as a whole, has swung and missed on numerous occasions.

06:56… I had that thought and wanted to write it down before I got out of bed.  There are a ridiculous amount of spelling mistakes, which can and will be edited out later.

Oh, another thought did pop into my head this morning… I may have said that I have quit the second Bipasha Challenge, but there is that part of me that won't try as hard for it.  I'm still going to work on my streaks, that's a given, but if my brain wants to find its way to 25k, who am I to say no?

07:02… okay, now it's time to get up.

07:21… alright, I’m up and at the computer.

I had another thought… any, if not all religions, likely evolved from a man asking all the major questions, like “where did we come from?” came up with the idea that it was a higher power that put us here on the Earth, since major scientific research was thousands of years from properly answering that question or giving us a small inkling for how we might have come to be.  When he told all of his friends about his theories, he really sold the ‘higher power’ idea and likely constructed the idea that this higher power can see all and has some control over all.  Being the salesman that he was, he managed to coerce some other people into this new belief and really made a stink, when somebody disagreed.  

This basically writes itself.  This clearly happened more than once throughout the world and there were adaptations to the root of the story to be beneficial to the location and the people it was sold to and that would be why there are so many religions in the world.

It’s a lesson on how to over complicate life, to theoretically make things more understandable.

07:36… okay, that little brainstorm has passed, let’s get to work.

• Lung recruitment: job number one, no problem.

• Shorts change: I stayed with the green & oranges today.

• Made the bed: I tidied up the bed.

• Bottle empty: emptied the bottle.

• Wash up: the hot water was slow to arrive, but eventually came through.

• Weigh-in: weighed in.

• Computer logged on: said ‘good morning’ to Elle.

• Pills and vitamins: the morning dose was taken.

• Deodorant: sprayed, yes.

• Voltaren/Diclo10%: splashed, yes.

• Moisturiser: dolloped and spread, yes.

• Shoulder brace: the brace went on okay.

• Shirt change: the older greyish blue shirt today.

• Head start: (07:43) forgot to clean the PowerBreathe too (it’s on the reminder), so straight to the 20-minute timer.

08:03… 2.6k steps only.  Nothing else.  A Bayern Munich match was on TV, but that didn’t get me too excited.  I didn’t swing my arm for any help, but I might later on.

• Email:

• Main account: not a whole lot here.

• Gmail: my Google One receipt was here.

• Upper Deck: the free pack was collected.

• Facebook: the headline memory was a walk with Benny a year ago.  Two birthdays, one worth a nod.  There were a lot of likes given out and a lot of posts skipped, because I didn’t like them (ha ha).  The memories had a walk from a year ago, as mentioned, and one from two years ago.  Do I dare go out for one today?

• Twitter: just a selfie from Crystal to brighten up that feed.

• Fitbit:

• Steps yesterday: 26.1k, the sixth week is done.

• Floors: 16 floors.

• Active Minutes: 186 minutes.

• Active Heart: 93 Zone minutes.

• Active Hours: 10/10.

• Sleep: 449 minutes.

• Weight: 171.8 pounds.

• Stress Management: 79.

• Readiness: 42.

• RHR: 68 bpm.

• Water: I’m on my second and both have been logged.

• Google Calendar: my reminder to get Jeremy’s help tonight is on for today.

• Budget: the monthly bank fees came out yesterday, which I wasn’t expecting.  That was the only thing of note there that wasn’t already mentioned yesterday.

• Fantasy Hockey:  

My roster dropped to the bottom after a weak Saturday.  Today has some potential to make that up before the end of the week.

• Sports Interaction: my 8-game parlay was a winner, $17 in the tank.  The method paid off.  Six games today, two 3-game parlays were made.  A smart one and the other one was mostly feeling.  Neither pays greatly, but what can you do?

08:54… tunes are on and Mom has appeared for a chat.

09:18… Mom, Tegan and Bipasha have all started to chat.  Craziness.

09:22… the Sunday physio is a go.

• Bosu Ball: (09:42) I forgot to swing my arm, the 2 floors on there now were from me just milling about.  5.5k and 12 Zone minutes was the score there.

• Physio Exercises

• Warm Ups

• Side Shuffle: 20 laps, head up and focusing on the right foot.

• Single leg stands with a pole: 5 stands on each leg, 5 head turns on each stand

• 4 Square Tiles, eyes up & head turns: 10 laps

• March in place at the sink, shoulder checking: 10 shoulder checks both sides

• Left hand/head resistance: 10 pushes/pulls

• Chin tucks: 5 tucks x the count of 30

• Squeeze the orange ring: 50 squeezes (10:05)

• Upper Body

• Pull the band on the sliding door, between 6pm and 11pm, lead with the back of the hand: 80 pulls blue

• Curls: 40 x 10 lbs. curls

• Rows bent over: 20 x 35 lbs. rows

• Scapular plane eccentric lowering: 10 x 10 lbs. (10:14)

• Lower Body

• Right leg weight step ups on step board: 40 step ups

• Bottle lid taps with my toes with head turns: 60 taps

• Sink squats with elastic: 50 squats

• Single leg extended back squats: 30 squats (10:24)

• Bosu Ball: (10:46) the timer has completed.  8.7k, 18 Zone minutes and 9 floors.

• Protein shake: a shake and a banana today.

10:06… Dad has called and he’ll be coming in today and we’ll go for lunch and stop at Made by Marcus.

10:50… the physio is done.  The last session on the ball got me thinking, if I’m going to Made by Marcus, what is the name of that girl?  I searched a bit on my phone and it didn’t take me long to find Isabella.  I’ll have to casually include the memory recall, if she’s there.  I like it when a plan comes together.

2412 Saturday, April 16th - evening

18:21… I've got the Fitbit on the charger already, the Jets/Lightning game is on, I reached 10/10 and I gutted it out and made it to 25k.  I didn't think I was going to get there today, but it was feeling good today, so I went right after it.  There were some good stretches, getting some Zone minutes at the same time.

I sent Bipasha the screenshot and I said to her that my body was tired and I wanted to skip the last two weeks.  She wrote to ask why, but she didn't push too hard.

X-Men: Apocalypse was pretty darn good.  I think there were some great elements to it.  After I finished that, I watched some more Sunny, a few more episodes there.  All of which was a good distraction from the Bosu Ball steps.

Jeremy was here at 15:53 and he got right to work.  He had a plan to do a chicken breast with Tikka Masala sauce with an extra kick to it.  He was very successful with his plan and it was really good.

I totally forgot to get Jeremy to help me with the brace.  I have set a reminder for tomorrow to help me remember.

19:11… I have switched pillows on the couch, electing to move away from the black neck pillow and go with the long blue pillow that has been in my bedroom.  I might look at buying another long blue pillow, because it's immediately feeling better on my neck.

20:00… I did hear from Bipasha again and she was okay with my decision to stop with the second challenge.  “Keep it easy, be happy,” she said and I was pretty happy to read that.  I didn’t think she was going to push back, but it was just comforting to know for sure.

20:29… I’ve got Sunny on again.

• Take the Fitbit off the charger: 1

• Shut the computer down: 5

• Pills and vitamins: 4

• Brush teeth: 6

• Mouthwash: 7

• Check the coffee maker: 3

• Brace in the application pouch: 8

• Voltaren/Diclo10%: 9

• Lung recruitment: 11

• Refill the Bipap reservoir: 13

• Retrieve the urinal bottle: 2

• VapoRub: 14

• Headband: 12

• Bipap mask: 15

• Remember to check the lid of the Diclo cream: 10

20:58… as you may have guessed, I'm in bed.  Two more episodes of Sunny in the books and that was enough for my body.  I don't think there was much more to the story tonight.

One thing did cross my mind tonight… it's not really surprising how people move on nowadays.  I know that I have been bad for that exact thing on a number of occasions, so it's not an outright criticism, it's just when you realize that it is happening to you.  

I mean when you're stuck in the hospital and your misfortune is still a thing that people can latch on to and make themselves feel better about checking in on you.  Yeah, I can understand that.  It's just when you're back to being okay and living, albeit in a less-than-normal way, it's not nearly fashionable enough to check in.  

Yeah, I probably would have done the same thing if I was still going at my regular pace.  My life would be going at a fair clip and if my unfortunate friend didn't have a whole lot for me, I probably wouldn't stop by either.

With all of that being said, I don't hate the quiet life.  As much as I wouldn't be miserable if there were more social activities, I'd probably get awfully tired if there were too many.  It's a fine balance and worth writing down.

21:21… well, I think it's going to be some more Word Craze now.

2404 Wednesday, April 13th - afternoon

13:01… Dad was having some issues with his computer and his phone this morning, so I offered to go out and help him out with them, but he tried to sort them out himself and he’d call me back to say if he was coming in to get me.  The issues just came so fast and so furiously, getting some medication to help him out with his diabetes.  He was on the hold line with Alberta Blue Cross, but he finally got that sorted.

There was some talk in there that we’d maybe go for lunch, but that wasn’t to be.  He did finally get through and got himself sorted and the timing wasn’t great, so he was just going to go to the drug store and then go back home.  There was a lot more than that, obviously.

13:12… after my afternoon dose of Gabapentin and my Active Hour steps, I have moved to the couch.  

I'm feeling like getting some thoughts down and just seeing where they go.

I am in no way religious, I believe that makes me an Atheist.  I can respect the idea that a lot of people are and the world will continue on its contentious path.  There are a fair number of people on both sides of the argument, more so the pro-religious side than not.

I can see why religion is so popular, because there are a lot of questions about life and the things that happen in it, a lot of which are exceptionally difficult to answer.  Thankfully, religion offers easy answers to all of those questions.  An all powerful, all knowing, all controlling being is easy.  If someone was to not understand why, the explanation that the being knows will nip that in the bud.  That's easy.

There are generally more tangible answers to many questions and there are more difficult answers to the rest.  There is a less spiritual answer to every question.

That isn't to say that they don't teach relevant lessons, which are important for the successes of the human race.  How they get to those lessons, however, can be questionable, but the lessons, at their core, are relevant.

I understand how spirituality is so appealing, which doesn't make those people who love to believe in it stupid, maybe a little lazy, but not outright stupid.  I can respect someone who believes, but I may not appreciate someone who pushes those beliefs on me.  Thankfully, I haven't come across too many who have pushed.  Fortunately, I also haven't found that a strong belief has augmented a person's personality and I can generally get along with most people.

Now, the fact that there are multiple religions creates more questions.  The physical conflicts that have historically come from those questions haven't stopped to necessarily answer them, all those conflicts have ended with a mutual respect to disagree and let the other side be. 

One of the biggest things I like to fall back on here is that people have a documented history of being easily swindled.  The church, as a whole, is supposed to be a great place for everyone to get together and believe, but in doing so they ask for donations.  It's unbelievably ironic, but seeing how long it has lasted, makes it more believable.

The overall trouble with people, in general, is that they are likely going to get into a huff, when you tell them that they are wrong.  That's where it gets really ugly and instead of putting on a parade to broadcast these thoughts, I'll just write them here and maybe one day, they'll surface.

14:11… yeah, that is most of that thought, which I have been toying with for a long time.  I'm glad I have that down now.

2388 Wednesday, April 6th - morning

05:34… I'm slowly thinking about getting up, but I am having a thought first.

People will say, "oh, you're so inspiring," or "you're so inspirational," which is good, I guess, but what am I inspiring you to do?

Those two quotes are nice to say, but it doesn't really mean anything, unless you qualify it by saying what you would have done when you say you were inspired.  It has become such an empty phrase, just in general terms.  

Am I inspiring you to be a better person?  Are you actually going to become a better person or are you just going to say that you are?  What does "being a better person" mean?  

It might be something that someone says to make the "inspiring person" feel better, but I am becoming a person that needs that sort of statement quantified.  

Sure, it's a nice thing to say, but to actually mean it would be amazing.  

06:04… well, I think I am finally getting up.  I think.  It's obviously not going very well.

Before I started to write this post, I somehow managed to unplug my nasal mask from the hose from the Bipap, which forced me to sit up, find the hose and plug it back in.

It has been an adventurous start already and I still haven't gotten out of bed yet.

06:10… okay, here I go.

06:32… I’ve made it to the computer and I’ve corrected all the errors that I had from inputting on my phone.  I’ve done most of the early NCR and by reviewing it now, I’ll likely finish with it as well.

• Lung recruitment: job number one was done.

• Shorts change: I stayed with the purple and yellows for another day.

• Made the bed: I tidied up the bed.

• Bottle empty: emptied the bottle and the bladder.

• Turn the coffee maker on: this was needed, since it was early.

• Wash up: washed up with reasonably warm water.

• Weigh-in: I weighed in.

• Computer logged on: I said ‘good morning’ to Elle.

• Pills and vitamins: I took my morning dose.

• Deodorant: sprayed, yes.

• Voltaren/Diclo10%: a tiny splash, yes.

• Moisturiser: dolloped and spread, yes.

• Shoulder brace: the brace went on.

• Shirt change: a green shirt for today.

• PowerBreathe: 30 inhales. (06:45) I’ve increased the resistance on the PowerBreathe and I might keep it there.

• Head start: (06:48) okay, let’s get going.

07:08… the 20-minute timer was used and 2.8k is in the books, but no Zone minutes were registered.  How disappointing.

• Email:

• Main account: Jacquie thanked me for the payment and confirming the next appointment, the Subways have a new track out today and Des is now running the Purple Helmets and she sent out a note about that yesterday.  DiPede sent a new trade as well.  My Netcoins account has been verified, so I can add that to the mix.

• Gmail: I sent a question to one of the cheap soccer jersey places, seeing if I can get a Jesse Fleming Chelsea shirt.  The Canadian lady on my favourite club was a match made in heaven.

• Upper Deck: the trade wasn’t the best, but it’ll do.  The free pack was 0 for 3.  I’ll set up some more trades later to hopefully finish the set.

• Facebook: one birthday, not worthy of a nod.  Not a whole lot in the news feed, while there was a walk a year ago and it’s been a year with that cool Fireberry shirt.  

• Twitter: Crystal has taken to TikTok now.  It’s not just selfies anymore.

• Fitbit:

• Steps yesterday: 14k, nothing too exciting there.

• Floors: 18 floors, the streak lives on, 87 days!

• Active Minutes: 82 minutes.

• Active Heart: 44 Zone minutes.

• Active Hours: 10/10, 52 days!

• Sleep: 358 minutes.

• Weight: 174 pounds.  Damn ice cream.

• Stress Management: 84.

• Readiness: 64.

• RHR: 69 bpm.

• Water: my second has been poured.

• Challenge: 35.3k ahead of Sheldon.

• Google Calendar: nothing on for the rest of the week.

• Budget: no BtR after paying Jacquie or transferring the rebate to Questrade.

• Questrade: both accounts appear to be down.  The self-directed still seems to have some cash in the account.

• Fantasy Hockey: 

Pretty big nights for Dad and Dale.  I’m still doing okay, today I have some Blues playing and I’ll score some points that way. 

• Sports Interaction: I won the 3-team feel bet last night, $8.04.  Five games tonight, three are within the rules of my betting.  The 3-game parlay was placed, all favorites, which won’t pay well.

08:03… the new 32 Thoughts podcast episode is on now.

08:16… a bathroom break was had and now I can get going.

• Head start: (08:27) I tried the 20-minute timer, but I’m thinking that the brace needs tightening.

• PowerBreathe: 30 inhales. (08:30) the increased resistance was okay.

• Physio Exercises

• Warm Ups

• Side Shuffle: 10 laps, head up and focusing on the right foot.

• Single leg stands with a pole: 5 stands on each leg, 5 head turns on each stand

• 4 Square Tiles, eyes up & head turns: 10 laps

• March in place at the sink, shoulder checking: 10 shoulder checks both sides

• Left hand/head resistance: 10 pushes/pulls

• Chin tucks: 5 tucks x the count of 30

• Squeeze the orange ring: 50 squeezes (08:49)

• Lower Body

• Right leg weight step ups on step board: 20 step ups

• Step up and down with step board no aids: 20 step overs

• Single step, forwards and backwards, right foot on the Bosu Ball with an aid: 32 steps, back and forth combos

08:55… Mark is here.

11:04… well, that was an interesting walk.

Getting to the Peace Bridge was easy.  A beautiful day, quite a few people out and about on the pathway.  It was fantastic.  At the south side of the bridge, I said we should keep going. Unsure if that was a good idea or not, we went.

Everything was going okay, until around a spot on Prince's Island Park, where I got a call from Brian at Questrade.  He had said that he had the cheque available to move the Sun Life RRSP money into Questrade, but since I didn't have an active RSP account open, he was having trouble with it.  He asked me if I wanted to keep doing it and I said yes.  He said I would need to restart the RSP account, so he could do his thing.  I agreed and we continued on our merry way.

Well, stopping for that phone call was enough of a break to really do a number on my stump.  I'm finding that if I'm moving for any great distances and pausing, that's enough to have it get really heavy and it becomes somewhat dizzying.  The second half of the walk was definitely a challenge.  

The conversation really dropped off and I wasn't nearly as social, hoping that I could make it home in one piece.  I'm really glad that I didn't overdo the coffee before leaving.  Having to go to the bathroom would have been a brutal torture.

There are thoughts that the Active Hours chase may get the boot today.  That's unconfirmed, but the thought had occurred to me.

2356 Thursday, March 24th - afternoon

12:34… I’m feeling a need to write.  So, here goes.

My current thoughts on dating… yeah, that’s a good start.  Okay, I have been historically terrible at choosing someone and be lucky enough for them to say yes.  Des was the most recent attempt at it, which is probably for the best.  As gorgeous and athletic as she is, she’s also a smoker and a dog-lover… both of which I was going to look past, but for how long?  There was also Charla, who is fairly religious and she had thought about the idea of going out with me, even since the accident, and me being an Atheist was an immediate no for her.  That’s okay, that would have been weird down the line.  It might have been interesting, but the more likely result would have utter frustration, more so for her, likely.

I think my first girlfriend was Julie.  We met online and things walked down the line from chatting to eventually meeting and then things progressed, which was a pretty normal process for me, looking back at everyone and everything.  I have never been one to see a gal, who I found attractive, and just try to talk with her.  That’s never been my style and the results have certainly shown that.  I always wanted to get to know someone first and then see where it went, in theory.

My memory is really fuzzy on the next three girls on my list, but I remember I was introduced to Nao by Cam, as they worked together and we did a running event with their company and things just went from there.  Francesca and Naomi were both in the UK and I’ve got the feeling that they saw me as an interesting foreigner and things kind of went from there.  Both Kristy and Steph I have known for quite some time before we hooked up, not at the same time, but I was friends with both of them for a long time before and I was their junior at the time of.  I still am, I guess, but that’s not the bigger point.

Yes, I did feel lonely, when I didn’t have anyone around, which was a lot of time, opposed to dating or in Nao’s case, living with.  I did write some poetry back in the day, which I’m now curious about whether or not I’ve kept any of that poetry.

13:03… right, where was I?  Yes, loneliness.  Fortunately for me, I have kept a fairly simple lifestyle, the easier, the better.  I have been one to take things as they come, including women, and just work it.  I look at people having relationship problems and that has never been the most appealing product of “everyday life.”  To find the “perfect mate” takes a lot of work and an absolute ton of luck.  If luck has a greater value to it than work, I can let luck do most of the work for me.

Ever since the accident, I have had some thoughts about possibly getting together with someone, Des and Charla spring to mind, but that would have been a lot of work for what exactly?  The cons outnumber and grossly outweigh the pros in that argument.  What do I need?  Some help around the house, which I have sourced out and maybe the odd orgasm, which I have accustomed to the occasional alternative fitness session, which the number of those has diminished in recent memory.

I’m trying my best not to worry about any of it and it’s seemingly going well of late.  I can look upon a woman and admire her individual beauty, be it traditional or in the subjective sense.  I don’t look at a lady and think to myself, “if I had her, I would do ______ to her.”  That’s never really been in my thinking.  I would say, honestly, I might have thought, “I wonder what she looks like naked.”  But that’s it.  Who hasn’t thought that?

No, besides the naked thoughts, I’ve never really said to myself, “boy, I would sure like to spend some time with her.”  Maybe just Des, but that’s really all.

Since I never really had a whole lot of choices in my dating career, besides whether or not to agree to their selection of me, I’ve never really been a boyfriend acting at his best.  I look at my relationship with Bipasha, as professional as it is, not to mention a few more of my caretakers, I’ve really gone the extra mile in wanting to take care of them, as well as they’re taking care of me, professionally.  It is quickly becoming apparent that it was never impossible for me to be a better person, but having someone do their best to take care of me, that has sparked something in me to do and/or be better.

13:34… I’m going to get my hourly steps and then go find my laptop and try to write on the couch.

13:54… wow, that took a lot longer than expected.  I did have to plug it in, uninstall some things and get my hourly steps, but I wasn’t thinking that it would be a 20-minute job.  Oh well, no worries.

Yeah, so between, most notably, Sharon and Bipasha, I’ve given a care about someone who is caring for me.  It isn’t the same, no arguments there, but it is somewhat important to what I’m trying to get to.  I can care about someone and show that person that they are important to me, which probably was rarely done, if at all, with the ladies that I have previously mentioned.  Which would have likely been the reason for each breakup from me, except for Julie, I wasn’t very into her.

I look at the animalistic side of it all, I’m sorry, I’m just going where my train of thought takes me. Between the need to pass along my genes and the method of doing so, that’s never really been the most important part of my thinking.  The desire to be with someone, that has held a candle for whatever that is worth.  The work required to make sure you’re compatible with that person and adapting to all the differences, just doesn’t seem very efficient to me.  I would accept the rare case that I would find someone who is perfect or just so marginally imperfect that it’s not noticeable.

Between the battle against loneliness, the instinctual urges or keeping an efficient lifestyle, I’m siding with the latter.

14:18… I was thinking there would be more to that, but I might come back to this line of thinking at some point.

Maybe to finish the idea… I’m certainly not going to rule anything out, but I certainly am not going to look for it.  I’ll give an interested party a chance, if they strike some important criteria (whether or not I find them attractive and their personality), while some other important ones (music, beliefs and sports) can be handled on a case by case basis.  Besides paying money for the care that I need, I don’t really stand a chance with that one.

I’m thinking that the way it stands now, someone would have to work a lot harder than what anyone just meeting me for the first time would expect, when they meet that someone for the first time.  I couldn’t possibly put someone through that, who didn't know what the benefits would be or who I was.  Now, if someone knew what the workload was going to be and they were still up for the challenge, who am I to say no?  Assuming they have met the other criteria.

14:46… I have been admittedly distracted by the software updates that the laptop needs, so they will take some more time, but I think I’ve got the bulk of what I wanted to write down.